The Meat of the Matter

More Evidence That Humans are actually Mentally Retarded Apes

Satan wants to kill you, and has sent his turtle with the news.  This just in from Goatopolis. A pet store burned down, and the only survival was a turtle named "Lucky." (We don't know if it had that name before the fire. But ... do pet store owners name all the animals? I think not.) Now Lucky has the image of satan on the back of its shell. And this made it all the way to CNN. I will make this statement out to the cosmos, and not to anyone in particular. This way my offensiveness will not be focused on anyone in particular. Stop looking for signs that confirm your faith. Just stop it. If you have faith, then you believe it without evidence. That's what faith is. If you need signs, you do not have faith. If you find confirmation of your faith in the back of a turtle then you have no faith, no intelligence, and no hope of survival in this cruel world. And for those of you who find this page because you were hoping to read about the miracle turtle, do me a favor: don't have children!