The Meat of the Matter

If Help Desks were 100 years old

OK, for those of you who don't know me, my career is that of a "Help Desk guru". I won't bore you with the details, but my complaints about Help Desks have been from a somewhat expert point of view. Being a consultant, I try to always look at the big picture. I'm told that my tendency to always look at the big picture is due to the fact that I am a Capricorn. To this I always reply, "Yes, but all my planets are in Uranus." This reply gets mixed reviews. Regardless, I do tend to look at the big picture. I know what you're asking: "So what's the big picture on why Help Desks are such a fucking pain in Uranus? Hmmm, Mr. Guru?" Good question. Remember Alvin Toffler? He wrote "Future Shock" with the shocking pink slipcover on the original printing. I wish I had a .jpg of it. Shocks me every time. Anyway, in the book, he basically purported a theory that our pace of technology advancement is faster than our ability to grasp it. I was a mere grade-schooler at the time so I didn't quite get his doom and gloom prophecy. Well, as with all doom and gloom prophecies, there wasn't any doom. But there is gloom, and her name is Help Desk. Help Desks are the fulfillment of Toffler's prediction. Technology has outpaced our snail-like peabrains. Toffler was right is because we didn't have Help Desks 100 years ago. Imagine if we did. DairySoft Tech Support: Howdy-doo, this here is DairySoft Tech support. What can I do fer ya? Farmer: This here cow isn't giving milk. DairySoft Tech Support: Now is that there a Jersymaid cow, or a Holstien by any chance? Farmer: Holstien. DairySoft Tech Support: And are you in a barn, or out in the yard? Farmer: I ain't got a barn. It burnt down last fall. DairySoft Tech Support: Oh now don't that beat all? OK, so can you explain to me what yer doin' so's I can figure out what the problem is? Farmer: Well, there ain't much to tell, really. I'm just bending down and kneedin' that there pink thang and no milk is comin' out. Durned cow is getting right pissed at me, too. DairySoft Tech Support: Hmmm ... now you got me thinkin'. Can you describe the pink thing to me? Farmer: Sure. Well it's pink in a sort-of pinkish way. Comes right out of the bottom-side of the cow. DairySoft Tech Support: Say feller, does that cow have long horns, or short horns? Farmer: Long horns. DairySoft Tech Support: Can I put ya on hold fer a second? (pause) OK feller. What you got there is a BOY cow. You need to go try the same thing on a GIRL cow, and if it still don't work, give us a holler, ya hear? Farmer: Well I'll be durned! Thanks! Ack. I got carried away. That's what Tech support would be like 100 years ago if it was actually GOOD. Well now I'm guilty Long rambling post to make a simple point. I'm going to blog hell! But before that, I gotta finish my work.